The eternal return is true, here's the proof

Occupying myself with one thing or another, I've managed to spend the entire day blocking out any feelings for you, Cybele. But now the accumulated desire to love you and to be loved by you has broken through the barriers I put up and started to explode all over my body.

Crap. I failed to attract her into my life. And I fail in futilely trying to regain control of my own emotional life.

As I lamented my double failure and tried to sleep, that mysterious voice returned and told me that you decided to be my wife. I turned to the opposite side saying to myself "she already said she doesn't want me in her life".

I slept, but at 2:50 AM I woke up excited. My body boiled and trembled with desire for you. After turning over in bed, I bent my legs and got into the fetal position. Twenty minutes later I turned on the light and picked up a book.

As I focused on the text, the excitement disappeared. I read for 1/2 hour and at the end of a chapter I turned off the light again. But as soon as I closed my eyes, the desire for you awoke in me again. I am no longer my own master, nor do I belong to you.

Time flies on the wings of affective despair. I remember an incident that took place over 50 years ago.

I was about his son's age and spent a lot of time in my grandfather's woodworking/carpentry shop. He was working and I was around him watching everything and trying to imitate him.

One day I was sitting on the floor of the workshop he bent down and gave me a piece of wood, some nails and the smallest hammer he had. Crouching he taught me to preach.

"Hold the nail against the wood, point down. Then hammer it like this."

After making sure I was following his instructions, my grandfather got up and went back to work. I stayed there with my little legs open, sitting on the floor, happily nailing one nail after another into the piece of wood. Every now and then my grandfather would look at me with an approving look and an encouraging smile. But then an accident occurred.

At that time I didn't wear underwear. While I "worked" my little penis stuck out of the shorts and by carelessness I ended up nailing its foreskin to the wood.

I screamed in pain, got up and ran out of the shop. The piece of wood hanging between my legs. My grandfather ran after me and carefully freed my foreskin from the evil nail.

This unrequited love of mine for you is a new version of that childhood accident. My cock is irrevocably crucified in your name, Cybele. "Pax vobiscum" for everyone but not me. So soon I won't have peace, because I don't feel any desire to unhook my penis in another woman.