Nothing makes sense. The world is a mess within an illusion distorted by our senses. There are no gods and demons, no ghosts and aliens.
We are driven by our desires, held back by our fears, and deceived by our beliefs and prejudices. The technologies we create consume us, control us and make us more unhappy. We love documentaries about wild Nature, but our habits are ravaging forests and glaciers, polluting rivers, lakes and oceans. Even insects are becoming extinct.
Our lives will never be heroic, interesting and exciting like in the movies. Our friends abandon us, we also abandon some of them. Our love relationships explode like soap bubbles.
Children grow up and move away from their parents carrying their childhood traumas. Then they regret it and try to make up for lost time, but it's too late. Their parents are old and dying.
The reality of life is inciting illness, joint pain, persistent insomnia, and inevitable decrepitude. Time devours our bodies. Before that, however, the mills of the world will crush all our dreams.
We run desperately after money, but we are not happy when we earn enough. Politics is a sewer, Justice is full of nasty worms and Diplomacy strives to provoke small and large wars.
We project happiness onto the things we want and buy, but forget about them as soon as we crave something new that will quickly become worthless as well. People objectify each other and the result of this commodity fetish is the waste of everything that could really have value: friendship, brotherhood, empathy.
99% of the knowledge we acquire is useless and vainly flaunted, the remaining 1% is useless when we suffer because of a lost or unconquered love. But without love, we feel dead and wander around the malls as if we were consumerist zombies.
All our achievements will be forgotten. Valuables on our dead bodies will be stolen from the morgue or funeral home. After our end, dispute over our inheritance begins. For each of us, all disputes end in death. But we will instinctively have the end as if it were not good.
You know that feeling that everything will be okay in the end? I started to lose it when I sat for hours next to my dying grandfather holding his hand. His eyes watering. He wanted to say something, but he could no longer communicate. I could have said something, but I didn't know what to say. What was left of that feeling I lost when I changed Dad's geriatric diaper. Blind, disabled and unable to move he told me he was tired of being a prisoner in a worthless body.
And now I'm tired of this meaningless world that refuses to die. But tomorrow I'll be happy and go back to doing all those meaningless things as if they were all essential and meaningful.
I awoke, plagued by insomnia and physical pain, to find this just now. I know it's unusual, given the state of the world, but I am almost always happy. I'm ANGRY, at the rise of fascism, I'm ANGRY at the destruction of the working class and the very planet beneath us, but while I seethe at injustice after injustice, I melt in delight at the sight of the moon, the clouds, the stars.
I hope, Fabio, you are able to experience pleasure in simplicity.
I've been taking a break from all the nonsense and enjoying the simple treasures in life while I can. Hope you are well as can be.